Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
how drunk are you?
Several
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
