I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
