just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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