people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
