Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
