i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
