It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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