guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
