How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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