i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
