I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
