i barfeds in our rink
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
