based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
