fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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