i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
