She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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