yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
