well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
