so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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