Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
