I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
