A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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