Duck Duck Cougar?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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