are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
