I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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