your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
