ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
