I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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