We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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