3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
