I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
