it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
