He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
