I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
