plz talk dirty to me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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