He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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