Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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