Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
