I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
