ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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