who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
