woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
