do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
