why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
