Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
