I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
