Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
