all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
