I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
