OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
