I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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